Its getting exciting around the Moseley house these days. My daughter Mandy's career is really taking off. The Nickelodeon movie that introduces her group the School Gyrls to American audiences http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1477180/ will debut on February 21st. The CD will be out in March, along with the Archie comic starring the group http://www.tfaw.com/Comics/Genres/Humor/Profile/Archie-607___358470 which hits comic book stores, coincidentally on my son Matt's birthday, March 10th.
But the group already has jump-started the world's biggest fan base. Mandy and my wife Marie just returned from an 8 day trip to China, where the School Gyrls performed at the Harbin Ice & Snow Festival., & were seen by a BILLION people. Read details here http://tantaonews.com/?p=24138 Nick Cannon's also put them on the cover of Celebrity HIgh magazine, which is sent out to high schools http://www.celebrityhigh.net/magazine/ .
So, get the CD, watch the movie, get the Archie comic book, and oh yeah, pre-order the School Gyrls novels at Amazon http://www.amazon.com/School-Gyrls-Junior-Tisha-West/dp/1442408693/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263614979&sr=8-1 . Go Mandy, go!
May 21, 2009
The video game for the second "Night At The Museum" movie is out this week. In the game, you'll hear me in more than one role, most notably, as the voice of President Teddy Roosevelt, played in the movie by Robin Williams. The Star Wars game I did multiple roles for is in the final stages of production now: I'm very excited to have been cast in a Star Wars game. Some jobs you say you'd do for free, just to be a part of it. I felt that way when I got my chance to first work for the Walt Disney Company. When it came to negotiations for money, I thought "Whatever! I'm just thrilled to be associated with my life-long idol, Walt Disney!"
Speaking of Disney, "The PJ's", which was a show produced by the company, and one I worked on, is still going strong on cable. It was on TV One for a while, but now its on Cartoon Network, a channel that's on in more cable markets. So check out "The PJ's" on their Adult Swim block.
I'll have some news soon about some I-Tunes apps I'm doing; some are done now, and should be up there soon. I'll post again when they are.
October 12, 2008
I did another video game this week, for "Night At The Museum 2". I provided the voice for President Teddy Roosevelt, Robin Williams' character in the movie, and another role, one of the "Gangsters". It was big fun, and over way too quickly. I'm just too good, I guess.
Exciting things are in the works for my daughter Mandy. She's still involved with Nick Cannon, who has been looking to develop something with her ever since he put her in his "Star Camp" project for Nickelodeon. They are working on a new thing now, involving music, and possibly TV.
Don't forget to look for me on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/dragondonkey0070 , and watch all my videos. I hope to be putting some new stuff up there soon. And request me as a friend on myspace http://www.myspace.com/actormarkmoseley and Facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1472640273&ref=profile .
Sept 13, 2008
One door closes, another opens. I am coming to the end of my time with Power 96 in Miami, which has forced me to roll my sleeves up and get hustling again. I may have a new and exciting morning radio opportunity soon, here in Los Angeles. To be on morning radio in L.A. is a door-opening gig in itself, so the possibilities are wide and interesting. I'm also pursuring a deal with a radio syndication company to put my comedy sketches on radio stations everywhere. If both come through, I will be a happy puppy.
Sadly, since I've been doing morning radio and getting up at 4:30 every morning, I've had no time for stand-up comedy. I miss it so much. There is no bigger rush than the sound of the laughter and applause of a room full of strangers. But, since stand-up is something you have to commit to full-time to make any money at doing it, and radio still pays so freaking well, I doubt that I will be on the comedy club circuit anytime soon. I still try to pop in at my local spot from time to time, but its still just a hobby.
August 9, 2008
Other pursuits have resulted in a sad lack of posts to this blog, or even updating this site, in the past several months. 'Course, its not like anyone really reads this. Maybe a few. But, I've not gotten a flood of emails crying out "By all that's holy--when will you update your blog?!"
All is well. I recently did a Star Wars game, which will be out..oh, probably 2010 or so. They told me they will be working on it for another year and a half. Its a big MMO game. So far, I play six characters. The voice director says they will have me back for more. I've also done a couple of small projects in the past few months. One is a short film, a viral video which you can see here on my myspace page. In fact, there are several 'new' videos up there, including some videos I created, "Bush Gas Tips", in which the President offers advice on how to beat the high cost of gas. Also, a mini song parody I did, "Obama is a Mac Daddy", which has been viewed nearly 20 thousand times on my youtube channel. Enjoy.
And, if you want to see what a true Renaissance Man I am, watch this video of my daughter Mandy doing a cover version of Rhianna's "Cry". I recorded and produced the song in my home studio, shot the video, and edited it. I've gotten some nice compliments on it. Friend request her while you're there, would you?
January 11th, 2008
Let me be the last to wish you Happy New Year, everybody.
The avante-garde political satire I did, "Friendly Fire", in which I play President Bush, has a trailer on myspace here . Its a very odd film, as the director had us wear these rubber masks. It was a fun experience- a quick four-day shoot, and I got to play and improvise a great deal-the trailer you see is about half improvised. Hopefully, it will get seen somewhere.
My daughter Mandy and the group she's in, the Giggle Club, recorded a track for Quincy Jones 50th Anniversary CD, which would come out some time this year. Mandy's going into the studio this month to record some tracks by herself. Her producers QD3 and Ray Brown want to pitch her to a couple of record companies, off the momentum she's gotten from the Star Camp series, which you can still watch on Turbo Nick. By the way, the show was nominated for a TV Guide Online Video Award, for Best Original Web Reality Series.
December 1, 2007
The PJ's is back on the air, on cable TV. This was an animated show I worked on back in 1999-2001. I remember that I was still living in Miami at the time, and Eddie Murphy was starting to send EVERYONE to me, the Shrek people, the movie studios to do his looping, and the folks at Imagine Entertainment, who called wondering if I could sound like Eddie Murphy doing a different voice. I had at the time already done the TV version of The Nutty Professor, where I had to do Eddie as all those characters, so I knew I could handle just about anything. (Almost. Doing the voice of Rasputia in the TV version of Norbitt this year just about killed my voice)
So they used to fly me out once a month to L.A. SAG rules said they had to fly me 1st class- boy, I got used to that real quick! I would come in for two days, and go into the studio to re-record parts of the episode that had been edited. They would change lines of dialogue here and there, and though Eddie had recorded the original version of the script, he knew he had me as a backup. Anyway, it was a springboard for me to move to L.A.
Catch The PJ's on TVOne, weeknights at 9:30 and 12:30am. Hopefully, this also means they will soon work out the issues keeping it from going to DVD. I love those surprise checks in the mailbox!
Nov. 10, 2007
Try this! I know it sounds crazy, but it really works!
Guys, I'm so thrilled to tell you that Macy's is giving away their stores. Yes! You can actually own your own Macy's department store! I didn't believe it either until I clicked on this COMPLETELY HARMLESS link: www.credulousretardphishingvictim.com and entered my social security number. I wondered aloud, "Is this real? It sounds too good to be true!" But then, within a couple of days, I actually received my own Macy's department store in my mailbox! (It was packed in there real tight, because they even included the parking lot of the store! I certainly didn't expect to receive the parking lot too!)
I did the math on this too, and when you do, it sounds insane. If one in 100 people on say - myspace.com - did this, Macy's would have to have about 15 million stores to give away, yet they only have a few hundred. Even if Macy's were giving away, say, oh I don't know..let me just pull a number out of the air here---$500 dollar gift cards, and 15 million people responded, that would cost their company seven and a half billion dollars and drive them out of business! WOW! So giving away their stores is even more crazy! But they're doing it, and you can get in on this insanity! Just click this innocuous link: http//www.takeallIownyouphishingscammers.com.org.net DO IT!
Nov. 3, 2007
I am doing another year (actually 15 months) of the Power 96 morning show in Miami. So you can look forward to more comedy sketches here in the future. I've got quite a few of them up on youtube, click there to see them. Better yet, subscribe to my channel, please, and you'll get update every time I add a new video sketch. I'm working on a unique vlog idea for youtube; I hope to have the first episode up in the next couple of weeks. You'll laugh, it has to do with the White House.
Speaking of podcasts, if you want to see some behind-the-scenes footage from Mandy's "Star Camp" episodes, you can see them here on youtube, or you can search "Star Camp" on Itunes.
Shrek the 3rd is out next week on DVD, please buy it. I get money.
So many links in this blog, here's one more that's totally hot!
Sept 21, 2007
I spent part of the day with Sir Anthony Hopkins, at his home in Malibu. More specifically, in the pool house adjacent to his grotto, which he has made his 'artist's studio'. He paints, striking abstracts in acrylic (and sells his paintings for various charitable causes). It was a charity cause I was there for. I have been volunteering my time, expertise, and my 'mobile recording studio' for a anti-drug and alcohol campaign aimed at children. We go to these celebrity's homes and record them, which is, for them, more convenient. He was one of the nicest people I have met to date, and I have met so many other show biz folks. I did not embarrass him by gushing, which was really hard to hold back. He was one of the people who inspired me early one, with his amazing performance in The Elephant Man, one of only a couple of movies I've seen in my life that made me weep uncontrollably. He treated our little project with all the dignity of a Francis Ford Coppola script. He could have breezed through the text we had for him to read, but he was, as in everything you've seen him in- meticulous, generous, perfectionist. A class act.
Sept 7, 2007
I have to buy Quincy Jones a fedora. Pretty surreal line, eh? When you find yourself saying something like that, you know your life is getting interesting. Here's the story:
The pop group my daughter Mandy's in, is executive produced by Quincy Jones The first time she met him, a few weeks back, he really seemed to take a shine to her. He loved the fedora hat she was wearing (my daughter LOVES dressing up, loves clothes--she's SO 13). So, the next time they saw each other, a couple of weeks later, HE was wearing a fedora, and asked her "Mandy, where's your fedora; I thought we'd match?" Yeah. Quincy got up that morning, thought, 'I'm gonna see Mandy today; I'll wear a fedora.' Then, the next time she knew she'd see Q (that's what he likes his friends to call him), Mandy made sure to wear her fedora. He noticed and said to her "I really like that hat!" Mandy said, "You really do! Do you want me to get you a fedora like mine?" "Yes, I'd like that."
So yes, I have to buy Quincy Jones a fedora. Hope everything is good with you, as well.
(here's a picture of the two of them, with the oft-discussed fedora).
August 10, 2007
Politics. Politics kept me out of "The Simpsons Movie". If you've seen the film, you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the President. In the cast of the TV show, one of the actors does an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. But its more of a spoof of his speech, rather than a realistic impression. So, at some point the producers of the film decided they wanted it to sound like it really was Arnold. They did a casting, and I found myself at what they were saying was a 'call-back'(you go to an audition, if they like you, they call you back in), but was unlike any call-back I'd been to. At a call-back, you go in, and re-audition...takes a couple of minutes. I was on a soundstage for half an hour, doing multiple takes, pick-ups, punches. I DID the job AT the call-back.
Two weeks went by, and my agent heard nothing. I asked them to inquire, and they were told "They went a different way". Then the movie comes out, and the cast member is back in, doing the voice of Schwarzenegger. He found out they weren't using his voice, and had a problem with it, so they put it back in.
But I get it. I would have probably gotten upset too, if I were him. We all have egos.
July 14, 2007
Mandy's show is starting to roll out. It will debut first online on TurboNick on July 22nd, new episode every Sunday. Then August 26th, the group is performing live at the Nick Stars concert which will air on TV. Following that, the show will start over from the beginning on TV. Meanwhile, in August, Mandy and the group go on the road for a few weeks, opening for the hottest show in the country, High School Musical! That means packed 10,000 seat arenas for the Giggle Club's first tour! Here's some links.
http://www.starcamptv.com/
http://www.nick.com/turbonick/index.jhtml
http://youtube.com/results?search_query=nick+cannon+star+camp
http://www.prnewswire.com/news/index_mail.shtml?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/07-13-2007/0004625236&EDATE=
June 14, 2007
Yes, that's me doing Donkey's voice in all those Shrek the 3rd TV spots, for the game, McDonalds, Sierra Mist, etc.
I have the lead in a low-budget indy film. I'll be playing--President Bush (W!). Its an over-the-top political farce ('political farce'-that's redundant, isn't it) ---can't say much more than that. We will be shooting it starting at the end of next week. I will strive to blog more often to provide details on the shoot.
We think-THINK that the show my daughter Mandy is on will debut end of August on Nickelodeon. We also THINK it will start being teased in promos at the end of next week. We THINK all this, because we have had many false starts in this whole process...it has taken more than a year to come to fruition.
May 6, 2007
I'm disappointed; I had recently written that I was very confident of being cast in a big summer movie, still in post-production. I can now say that the movie was "The Simpson's Movie", and that I was up for the part of Arnold Schwarzenegger. The producers said they wanted a realistic-sounding Schwarzenegger impression. You can hear me doing the voice here. I did not get the part. I felt confident that I would because three years ago producers of T3: The Redemption were looking for the closest voice match for Schwarzenegger for their game, and cast me. Well.......ok.
On the other hand, you can play the Shrek the Third on-line games here. I am Donkey of course. Have fun.
April 28, 2007
I'm waiting to hear about my part in a major movie release this summer. I did a most unusual audition and call-back session for an animated movie that debuts this summer. My part in Shrek the Third was cut, as I have previously written, so this part would go a looooong way towards 'replacing' that. In fact, if I get the part, its a much bigger and more of a stand-out role than I had in Shrek the Third. As the days tick by, I wait for the phone to ring--the call saying I have that part. It's agonizing, because I want it very much. You are not supposed to dwell on these things too much. You're supposed to do the audition, and then let it go. But its difficult sometimes. There have been a couple of disappointments this year, the first of which was Splatypus, the Nickelodeon animated pilot I did, not getting picked up by the network. But, gee, I really can't complain. I've done a TON of Shrek games, toys and commercials for Dreamworks as Donkey, so I hope I don't sound too whiney to all the struggling actors out there who would gladly trade places with me.
I will have news soon on my daughter Mandy's career, with regards to her show on Nickelodeon. Talk about waiting for the phone to ring. She's been involved in this project for over a year now, waiting for it to finally come to fruition. When it does, its going to be huge.
March 31st, 2007
Such is life-and the movie business. My part in Shrek the Third wound up on the cutting room floor. I've still got all the toys and video games and TV spots to keep me warm at night, but boy-that one stings!
Meanwhile, my daughter Mandy is busy working with the Giggle Club, which is the name of the group you will see on the upcoming Nickelodeon show, "Star Camp". Just last night the group appeared with "Star Camp" host Nick Cannon at the Kodak Theater in L.A. for a special concert. Take a look at this video of Mandy dancing for Nick. (the digital camera I had with me doesn't record sound).
Long as I braggin' on the kids, take a look at this short student film my son Matt did. (You'll need the latest version of quicktime to watch it)
February 27, 2007
Yesterday, I was at one of the studios, participating in a table read. For those who don't know, at a table read, the stars of a film or TV show read through the script for the first time. I was there to read the lines for some of the smaller parts in the film, those which haven't been cast yet. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'll play any of those parts, though I may be lucky to be cast as one--we'll see. Usually, the casting director will give you one, if you participate in the table read (you don't get paid to be at a table read, so its like you're doing casting a favor).
There, I saw Patrick Warburton, again. He's one of my favorite actors; I worked up the courage to do my impression of him-he seemed mildly amused. I think he was flattered-you know you've made it when people start imitating you. I sat next to Ellen Albertini Dow, who I just wanted to take home with me (not what you think guys-click on the link to see a picture of her). She was such a delight to talk to!
February 15, 2007
Wow, I have been so busy, I didn't even realize that the last time I wrote in my blog was back in December. First of all, the pilot I did for Nickelodeon, which was called 'Splatypus', did NOT get picked up. I'm sad about that, but that's show business. I thought it had a good chance, because Butch Hartman was the creator. But I got to work with him, and some other great people, and I think I'm solid with the great people at Nickelodeon now. I'm staying busy doing LOTS of Shrek the Third work. Many video games and commercials and other stuff. I will be in the movie too.
Speaking of Nick, my daughter Mandy had been working on a show that's produced by Nick Cannon, which you will be hearing A LOT about, very soon. They are grooming Mandy to be a pop princess, and she will soon be waaay more famous than Dad.
And my son Matt is now on IMDB, with a film he did called 'Redemption Maddie'. Matt's only 6, but is well on his way!
December 14, 2006
I've been having great fun lately on U-Tube. Such a great website, its so easy to lose yourself for half an hour, watching videos. I created a channel there, and posted clips of my stand-up act, but I started putting my audio comedy sketches up there. I realized I needed to have something for people to look at while they listen to it, so I started with creating a still photo depicting what the sketch was about. I've gradually tried to make them more visually interesting, with multiple still frames, and I've got more creative, giving my limited free time. I'd really love to start going out and filming some of these, or have them animated, but again, time is an issue. Still, I think you'll enjoy them, so take a look at my channel on U-Tube.
October 26, 2006
I've never been hacked by a high-profile comic before. I'm flattered and pissed at the same time. I was listening to Mancow on the radio yesterday, and he played a Carlos Mencia clip that I think might have been from Mencia's TV show. Mencia started the bit saying "Every other day of the year...we tell our kids 'don't ever take candy from strangers'...and then that one night...we put a bag in thier hand and take them around so they can eat all our neighbors PCP-laced candy." I wrote the bit Monday, November 01, 1999, 8:51:32 AM (ain't Word great?), when I realized that Halloween is a contradiction for parents.
I'm not saying Carlos intentionally ripped me off-I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. He used to come on my radio show in Miami all the time, and we have done shows together, maybe it seeped into his subconscious, and then popped back out one day, and he thinks he thought of it. That's happened to me many times. But now what? If Mencia did it on his TV show, which everybody watches, most people are gonna assume he wrote that. I'm ready for the heckles, but jeeze, that sucks.
My piece is on YouTube...watch it here. If I can find a video of Mencia's version, I'll link to it in my favorites.
October 12, 2006
WOO-HOO! If you're a fan of my comedy sketches, and really, who isn't?...I've just expanded my on-line list of them, in fact, I've doubled the number of sketches I have posted here. I added four new sketches you've never heard before to the first page, and there is a second page of sketches. As I continue to add more, there will be more archive pages. Just go to the 'fun audio' page and listen.
As always, the quality is intentionally poor, not because I don't have the memory--I've got plenty--its to limit people playing them on radio (some stations pay me good money to use my material...so I don't think others should get it for free). I am pondering producing a comedy sketch CD in the next few months that would contain the best of all these sketches-I may do a 'year in review' type CD for year-end sales.
Sept. 25th, 2006
I haven't blogged in so long, because my web software has been screwed up and I hadn't had time to fix it, until today.
Not knowing when; I hate that. My daughter Mandy's appearance on CBS's Saturday Morning show "Dance Revolution"...I don't know when it airs. My "Barbque Bill" episode on CBS.com/innertube. I don't know when it will be posted on the site (it was supposed to be in May--still not up). The "My Life as a Teenage Robot" episode I did over a year ago...its airing overseas in Europe and in Australia, but Nick hasn't rolled out the third season in America yet. I did a major role in the new "Jet Fighter" game (the main bad guy)..I have no idea when that game will appear. The "Splinter Cell-Double Agent" game I did will be out on Oct. 17th(or the 10th, depending on what website you visit). Its fun doing this stuff, but I wish I knew when to tell people to look for it. I get asked all the time, 'when is this or that coming out?', and I can only shrug and mumble...'uh duh nuh'.
August 29th, 2006
Al Queda has already won- how paranoid do they have us when a big burrito causes a school to be locked down? The media alerted, SWAT snipers on the roof? It happened in Clovis, New Mexico when a student brought a 30 inch giant burrito, wrapped in tin foil, that was part of a school project. Students saw the long, shotgun shaped wrapped object, and assumed it was a weapon. The panic soon mounted, the school was locked down, police were called...word leaked out to local media that a possible Columbine-style incident was happening. When the students were huddled in the auditorium, and the principal was describing the object, the student who brought it realized 'I think they're talking about my burrito'. You can read the whole story here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7683168/ , then go listen to my spoof here.
August 22, 2006
Check out the new comedy sketch posted today...in case you missed it, Kevin Federline, aka K-Fed, aka Mr. Britney Spears, had his highly anticipated (by him...and no one else) TV debut on the Teen Choice Awards Sunday night. You can watch it here. The consensus appears to be that he shouldn't give his day job, which seems to be 'Sitting by the pool getting high----ologist'. So, perhaps this could be his new day job...running a package delivery company. Listen here.
August 18, 2006
I couldn't sleep last night--I was up at 12:30. May not seem late to some, but it is when you have to be up at 4:15 to do an East Coast radio morning show, dammit! So I put on Jimmy Kimmel Live, which was a repeat from some time in the last couple of weeks, and Jimmy throws it to a 'bit', which turned out to be my Weekend at Castro's sketch in video form! Now, granted, that bit is pretty obvious, but dang...does this mean I should be writing for Kimmel? And which one of us thought of it first...was it me...or them? I created mine on August 7th. I tried to see if I could find their sketch on the web somewhere, so you could compare the two, but no luck. I'll keep watching late night to see if I see Snacks on a Plane.
August 8, 2006
Check out the new picture on my photo page, or just clickity-clickity here . It's me with the Muppets. I was hired to teach a one-day seminar in voice-matching...never did anything like that before. I didn't even know if I could, but I figured out a way to break it all down into a mubbly mess of pueudo-scientific-sounding gobblety-goop(maybe I'll write a book). No seriously, it worked fantastically, and they seemed very interested to hear me...though, they ARE actors...... Anyway, it was an incredible experience, and something to brag on, so here I am.
Speaking of bragging, I'm on Wikipedia!(wuddin' me) Now THAT....that, is when you know you've made it. (I'm kidding, of course)
July 12, 2006
If you must have a heart attack, while you're on vacation is the time to do it. You're much more relaxed, and you don't have to call work to tell them you're DYING and might not be in. Though that IS a great reason to take the day off. Not that I go to an office--but let me get to the story! We're at Mammoth Mountain, staying at 8100 feet. First night here, I can't even walk without wheezing- like a 79 year old lifetime chain smoker. And--no one else in the family is affected by the altitude! Second night (after hiking almost 4 miles-flippin' idiot! Gah!), I'm lying in bed, my heart leaping into my throat, my chest feeling like a bus has broken down on it. I laid there for over an hour, debating whether I should disturb my wife's sleep, or just roll the dice on waking up the next day. I finally woke her, and told her.."I think I'm having a heart attack."
The paramedics got there quick. They hooked me up to a bunch of stuff, strapped me to a gurney, and whisked me off to the ER. I stayed there all night, getting poked with needles, hooked up to machines...they gave me the treadmill tress test. The doctor told me my heart was great, and my blood pressure was strangely level during the stress test- he muttered something about how he'd never seen a blood pressure reading that didn't fluctuate during the test-and that I did NOT have a heart attack. Great! But then-you know it takes FOREVER for anything to happen at a hospital-it was two hours between the time I found out there was NOTHING WRONG WITH ME and when they said I could go. "HEY, I'M ON VACATION HERE!"
June 20, 2006
I haven't been to a comedy club in two months now. I'm a little frustrated. I'm sacrificing that to make this radio money, and still have a few minutes to spend with my kids. I miss standup. It really is the most instantly gratifying form of entertainment, so if you are an attention junkie (Hey Everybody, look at Meeee!) it really doesn't get any better. I've got to try to schedule some time for standup. Writing material for radio is SO time-consuming. Fellow standups-imagine writing a new 15 minute set FIVE days a week. And it has to be gold.
I did a Shrek game today as Donkey. Long session- a lot of one-word lines....about 600 of them. It was for one of those handheld game systems for little kids. The sound quality on those things is really, really low-real grainy-so you have to pronounce everything very carefully. Otherwise, when the game comes out, sometimes a word doesn't sound like the word you said, and you got people sueing the game maker cause it sounds like the character is saying something dirty to their kids. "This is my clock. It is a rather large clock, I've been told. I like my clock. Would you like to play with my clock?"
June 6, 2006
Man, I haven't blogged in a loooong time. But then I've been too busy to breathe. Doing the radio thing again-I had forgotten how much work is involved in doing this. You have to write good material EVERY DAY. I have been cranking out the sketches like a madman, but have only just today had a chance to post any of it on my audio page...check out some selected cuts up there now. Many of them feature a character I do on the radio named Tyrone, who is a young hustler that has a million get-rich-quick schemes-basically a con man.
You can listen anytime to the show at www.power96.com . Well, not anytime...its on from 6-10 am Eastern.
May 15, 2006
I wrote in my blog last week that I had been trying to do a deal to participate in the morning show again at Power 96 in Miami, where I did mornings for many years. I wrote then that the deal was dead. Then, suddenly, negotiations opened up again, last Thursday, and within a half hour, it was back on. I am returning to the radio this week! If you're in Miami, you will start hearing me today. DJ Laz hosts the show, along with C.C. and Ivy (say it like E.V.). Outside of Miami, you can hear the show streaming online at http://power96.com/index.php?page=2 , click on 'listen live'. Of course, the show is from 6-10am Eastern. I will be regularly posting sketches from the show on my 'fun audio' page.
By the way, when I say you'll be hearing me...that's where it gets interesting. If you listen for a particular voice...you'll be lost. Because I do so many character voices and impressions--well, it may be hard to figure out when you're hearing 'me'.
May 9, 2006
Fans of the old radio show at Power 96 in Miami might remember this..no one else will get it. In the 90's, there was a group called Will To Power, made up on mostly 'studio singers and musicians', and one of their hits was a re-make of 'I'm Not In Love', originally done by 10CC in the '70's. This ain't it...its a gag, done by...well, we think it was DJ Laz, who was associated with the group. He would never cop to it, though. Its hilarious. Listen here.
By the way, speaking of Power 96, I came THIS CLOSE recently to a deal that would have brought me back to the morning show on the station (I was gonna do it from L.A.), but we couldn't work it out. Damn shame.
April 24, 2006
"Dr. Dolittle 3" arrives on DVD Tuesday. I did five animal voices in this direct-to-DVD sequel. Direct to DVD is probably a good indicator that its no "Les Quatre cents coups", and probably will not be at the top of the list of anyone without kids, but I'm proud to be a part of it. I'm working. Could be worse.
In other exciting news, I just got word I've been cast in a new Nickelodeon animated series called "Splatapus". Look for it....eh, sometime in 2007. It takes forever to get animation on the air. I did an episode of "My Life as a Teenage Robot" last May, which still hasn't aired yet. But "Splatapus" represents a notch on the belt..one of my specific career goals for 2006...reached!
Frustrated by my busy schedule though...I haven't been doing as much standup as I should be in the past month. Oh, it would be so much easier if I didn't have a family waiting at home desiring to see me for more than 20 minutes a day. Stupid wife and kids! Sucking up all my standup time! (kidding)
April 22, 2006
I still dream of Jeanie. A friend asked me for a favor recently- help with securing a recording studio where TV legend Barbara Eden could record a voice-over for a drug prevention DVD aimed at kids. The whole thing is for charity, so I knew I'd have trouble getting any L.A. studios to give us free studio time. So I offered to bring my microphone and recorder to her house to do it.
I was blown away by how Mrs. Eden still has the same figure she had when she wore that genie costume back in the 60's. Today she was wearing tight jeans and a close-fitting shirt. The SAME body--the woman is 74(though she looks more like 54). You must understand, this woman was the subject of many boyhood-eh...thoughts, when I was growing up. Now, I am standing in front of her, and the only thing I can think of is...'I wonder if she still has that genie costume?' You know she does- in a closet somewhere.
Yes, fellas, I definitely would.
April 19, 2006
Tom Cruise is a father today. Who's next - Andy Dick?(can you imagine saying the words "Yes, Andy Dick is my father."?) I guess Katie Holmes made good on not crying out in pain during labor. What an outrageous demand. My wife Marie would have agreed to something like that only if each time a labor pain hit, she could have reached over and just punched me right in the groin. See if I could resist crying out. Ironically, Brooke Shields had a baby yesterday too. Brooke screamed her guts out...good for you, Brooke.
And Tom ate the umbilical cord. Way to go, Tom...you've just guaranteed that on opening weekend, Mission Impossible 3 will gross about 9 million dollars. Even Michael Jackson is grossed out by that. "Look, I may dangle a kid or two over a hotel balcony, but this guy Cruise is a FREAK!" This baby is gonna be in therapy before she's out of diapers. She can be in group with Britney's kid, Bobbi Kristina Houston-Brown, and the whole Jolie family.
April 11, 2006
I will be on an episode of 'The Sopranos' on April 23rd....well, sort of. One of the video games I have acted in is 'True Crime-New York City'. On this particular episode of 'The Sopranos', a character will be playing the video game, at a section where one of the characters I played in the game is talking. So, they will pay me to use my voice in the episode. Pretty cool, eh? Hope it's Tony...that would be sweet.
Speaking of games, I hear 'Kingdom Hearts 2' is sold out in lots of places. If you're playing it, I'd love to hear what you think of my Mushu! The animation is incredible...I love how they recreated whole sequences from the movie, 'Mulan'. Drop me an email and let me know what you think at mark@markmoseley.net .
April 3, 2006
I experienced an odd bit of fate today. I was at an audition, at a building in L.A. where they have an open air balcony outside the casting office. I was standing out there, right by the railing, trying to do something with my PDA, when I dropped my stylus. It slipped down between the railing and fell somewhere to the ground below. When I looked down to see if I could spot it, I saw a set of keys lodged in a bush just below me. I went downstairs to get my stylus, and the keys, retrieved both, and went back upstairs to the casting office, announcing that I had found someone's keys. The guy who had lost them was very grateful, because though he had realized he dropped them, he hadn't been able to find them, after looking everywhere on the ground. He had never thought to look in the bushes above his head, and would have NEVER recovered them, if I hadn't dropped something, and looked over the railing for it. Odd how that happened...I was put in just the right place at the right time.
March 21, 2006
Today' celebrity guest blogger: Michael Jackson!
Just sittin' here
sipping on Jesus Juice, feeling pretty sad...had to shut down Neverland
Ranch. All the people who live around here said the same thing- 'well,
here comes the neighborhood!' But I'll get my revenge-I'll sell it
to O.J....a hee hee! So this weekend, we're having the big Neverland
Ranch garage sale. Sure, I could sell it all on EBoy-I mean, EBay. (is
there an Eboy? ...have to check into that) Yeah, I could sell it all on
line, but I like to be more hands-on, you know, press the flesh. Some of
the items we'll offer at the garage sale...
- A large collection of noses of all sizes
- Kid's clothing
- One set of Spongebob pajamas ... as seen on Court TV (oh, let me get a
sip of Jesus Juice on that one)
- One pair of Peter Pan tights
- One booby-trapped, secure "sleep-over" room
- A Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber
- One llama, slightly used (may need some therapy, one eye twitches,
been through a lot)
- Five Diana Ross wigs
- Macaulay Culkin's career
- several cases of Jesus Juice ("Looks Like Tab...But Much More Fab!")
Come on down...just look for the Satellite news trucks...and bring the
kids! A Hee Hee!
March 8, 2006
I believe that life is about helping as many people as we can, in whatever way we can, big or small, as we travel through this world. Its not about how successful you are, or how rich you are. No matter where you are on the ladder, trust me, there's always someone under you. So you have to pay attention for those opportunities. I tend to actually WATCH for them.
Today, I was about to walk into McDonald's, and saw a homeless man
sitting outside. Five people walked past him as he tried to ask them
something-I assumed for money-and they all ignored him. I walked up,
ready to hand him some money. To my surprise, he held out a dollar, and
said, "Would you buy me a hamburger? They won't serve me cause I'm
homeless." I bought him two cheeseburgers and some fries with my own
money, but that's not really my point. This isn't about 'look at me-I'm
a good person'....but that five people who could have just made eye
contact with him and realized all he was asking for was someone to buy
him some food with his money...missed an opportunity to do something
simple and good, that wouldn't have taken any effort. They chose to blow
right past him, and forfeit the brownie points with God to me, because
they weren't willing to give a fellow man 5 seconds of their attention.
Oops!
March 5, 2006
Surreal celebrity moment yesterday. I was escorting my five-year-old son Matt (who I think works more than his dad) to USC so he could audition for another student film. USC is one of the premiere film schools in the nation. We were to go to room 112 at the George Lucas Instructional Building. Lucas went to film school there, and obviously donated several million-or what to him must be 'tip money'-to the film school, so they named a building after him. As I'm walking thru the breezeway of the building to go inside, I see a man with a salt and pepper hair, and white beard/moustache talking to a woman. As we get closer, I double-take and realize- it is George Lucas. Without even thinking, I blurt out..."So you just hang out at your own building...?" He laughed and said, "Yeah, sometimes".
March 1, 2006
Today's celebrity guest blogger...former President Clinton!
You may have heard that I'm seeking 25 interns. I know that sounds like a lot..but I've got three offices, so that's really only 7-8 gals per city. And I'm not just looking for women. Yes, if you're a young man who is an aggressive, hard-working, career-minded--ah, who the hell am I kidding; we're only gonna hire chicks. Gals with nice, big, firm ambitions who can work well with an absent-minded boss. Sometimes I forget to wear pants.
One other thing I just want to comment on. You've all heard how President Bush said that my wife can win the nomination...but he doesn't think she can win the election----well, YOU did. I think you've proven that pretty much anybody can be elected President. Its kinda like Tony Danza saying "I don't think so-and-so can have their own talk show.
Feb. 25th, 2006
Last Comic Standing...I did not stand in that line. I never have. Another 'reality' show---it ain't reality. Its a carefully cast, carefully staged, carefully edited, carefully promoted reality that bears no resemblance to reality whatsoever. I read one comment on a comedian's forum from a female comic who was told that she was 'too happy'. Wow, that's a negative to the folks who cast LCS? We don't want any happy people on our show. You might not want to play along when we need you to start some phony drama with another contestant, because we can't just show COMEDIANS DOING THEIR FUNNY MATERIAL and let THAT be the point of the show. Do we always have to highlight the worst of human behavior? They prod people into drama, whisper into ears, start problems where there really aren't any, and then roll the cameras to catch the 'spontaneous fireworks' as comics stab each other in the back. And, by the way, they edit the sound on that show...they can make you look funny or not funny, by pumping up, or (gasp!) DUMPING the audience's reaction! THAT AIN'T REALITY!
What happened to talent being the main ingredient in the soup? It seems to take a person who is willing to throw their moral compass out the window, or one who just doesn't have one to begin with. Those are the people who are getting on TV. This is not my bitterness folks; check the resume'---(Ok, maybe a little bitter; hell, we're all a little bitter)---no, it is also the bitterness of a few dozen frustrated, immensely talented actors and comedians I know, and thousands more like them out there. I just think it sucks.
Feb. 10th, 2006
Its official...I'll be in Shrek 3! I'm recording at least one part this morning, with the possibility that I'll do others. I had two small parts in Shrek 2, and did the Donkey part in the first Shrek 'extra ending', so maybe it was a forgone conclusion that I'd do something in Shrek 3, but now its actually happening. I couldn't be more thrilled. The Dreamworks people have been so nice to work with....great company.
Listen closely this weekend at the movies and you'll hear me in Harrison Ford's "Firewall". I did the voice of a 'Monster Truck Show' announcer in a commercial that plays on the TV in one scene. I also did the voice of the pizza delivery guy in the opening credits.
Dr. Dolittle 3 (for which I did five animal voices) is back to direct-to-DVD (they were toying with the idea of releasing it to theaters first); I don't know exactly when it'll be out...I believe sometime in April...
I hope to have some exciting news for my Miami fans this week, or first of next week.
January 5, 2006
A look back at 2005...in brief. 'Mulan 2' out in February, a high point in my life, to star in a Disney film. All my life, I've had this odd connection to Walt Disney-idolized the man since I was a kid. (Maudlin?---I don't care.) I also got to be a part of Disney's 'Bambi' DVD, and 'Pom Poko', a Disney release of a Miyazaki anime film. 'Father of the Pride', a show I was proud to be invited to play multiple roles in, was released on DVD. I did guest spots on two TV shows, 13 video games, a national TV spot on-camera, 4 roles in a new play over the summer. I got some cha-ching from 'Mulan 2' and 'Shrek 2' DVD sales, bought a hot new car, and put in a swimming pool. Oh, and I bought some fame. (Yeah, that's how some see it, butI helped a lot of folks who weren't as blessed as I was this year). And some good things are happening for me, career-wise, as a direct result of that exposure I 'bought'. I can't reveal details; I can only hint that some 'suits' want 'meetings'.
2006?...besides the meetings, I'm excited to be the voice of five of the animals in 'Dr. Dolittle 3', out soon. 'Kingdom Hearts 2' is coming, along with 'Splinter Cell 5', 'Jet Fighter 6' and 'LOTR-the Battle for Middle Earth 2'. I got some other stuff in the works I can't even---its alllll good!
Keep dreaming, and remember that hope sustains you through the desert of life's suck-age. It CAN happen.
December 28, 2005
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Yes, that's a non-PC holiday wish. Yes I'm ramming my religion down your throat--pardon moi! It's just that with me--its Jesus or hell. That's how I roll.
Yeah, I finally got around to re-designing my blog page. I fairly happy with it, but I reserve the right to change it later. So now, to read all the posts from the past, just click on the button down there on the bottom.
I have a couple of exciting developments coming in 2006; including a new website, dedicated to merchandise I'll be producing. I'll be posting more about that in the coming weeks. Also, I am working on a comedy CD, which I hope will be ready by the end of January. Stay tuned.
December 20, 2005
I've had a few people ask me who designed my website, because its not like
many sites, which are created using pre-set templates. I created the site,
and everything on it (well, some of the background wallpaper on the pages I
got off the internet). I created the animations, too. I feel my site is an
expression of art, so I've worked to make it as unusual and artistic and
unique as I can, obviously within the 'retro' theme I've got going. I like
to improve on it whenever I get some free time; re-design the pages one at a
time. I've recently re-done the video page again, the calendar page (which
was pretty weak), and the contact page. You know, the more you experiment
with a program, the more you realize you can do. For my animations, I use a
program called "Kool Moves", which I think cost all of about 40 bucks.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the site, and know that I am always looking to
surprise with improvements.
oh yeah.....Happy 12th Birthday to my daughter, Mandy!
December 14, 2005
Wow! It has been forever since I blogged! I've just put up on the Fun Audio
page, the new 2005 version of 'a holiday favorite', my Arnold Schwarzenegger
version of "T'was the Night Before Christmas" - complete with a tasteless
Tookie reference. You'll also find there a sketch that I've gotten a lot of
raves for, "Generic Holiday Man". Feel free to email me your reactions to
either of these bits of comedy. mark@markmoseley.net . By the way, I get
asked sometimes why the audio quality of this stuff is soooo crappy on the
site...its not lack of space..I got tons. I just want to discourage people
from radio stations grabbing it and using it on the air. Some of this may be
on the comedy CD I will be releasing early next year, so they can have it
then.
I am also posting a link on my press page to some clips of the L.A. TV
stations covering the event I did at the Laugh Factory with Jon Lovitz.
December 1, 2005
Yeah, its been a pretty good couple of days........that's a understatement!
Ok, here's what went down. First, there was the press conference on Tuesday,
noon, at the Laugh Factory. Jon Lovitz and I presented the Red Cross with
the traditional oversized check and took questions from the media. Then,
after being interviewed by the L.A. TV stations, who ran the story for TWO
nights, I was introduced to the folks that run the original Las Vegas Comedy
Festival (as opposed to the HBO Las Vegas Comedy Festival), which is coming
up in January. They requested to see my act Tuesday night, so I went back to
Laugh Factory that night and did an 8 minute spot to show them my stuff.
They told my manager they like it, and asked for contact info. We'll see.
Then, last night...the big night. I was feeling good. I had worked all day
getting myself mentally in a place where I was looking at this as just
another spot, and not some big freakin' deal. I knew the more I built it up
in my mind, the more nervous I would be on that stage. I remembered a line
from a Rodney Dangerfield album where he comments on his sweating, and says,
"I don't know why I'm sweating, its my club- I got the job!" And so I
thought, I got the gig. Hell, I bought it. Well, it helped it go sooo
smoothly. I mean, I can say, even I think I did well. Jon Lovitz was so
incredibly magnanimous. He kept throwing the spotlight back on me, made
jokes about me in his act- for example, I went a minute over...so Jon comes
up and points out that I went a minute over and says "that means Mark owes
the club another $760 dollars." Jon has a great show, by the way. Its just
Jon, being Jon. You know, he's already funny before he even says anything.
It was a good evening. I found out after the show that a couple of
interested entities want to have development meetings with me! One is a
network.
On a darker note, I did receive a hate email from someone in Biloxi,
Mississippi...where I lived for a while...who said she read my press
release, and wrote "Its amazing you have $7600 to win an eBay auction but
the Red Cross had to pay for your parents hotel room...idiot." Yes, that's
right...you made my blog...enjoy. Two things. One...I feel the need to point
out that I contributed Seven Thousand Six Hundred Dollars and 00/100ths to
help disaster victims. Money, from my bank account, coming to your
neighborhood...what, no love for THAT? I get nothing but hate coming back
from you...there in Katrina-ravaged Biloxi, Mississippi? Two...the Red Cross
didn't HAVE to pay for my parents hotel room, thanks...I had the bill down
on my credit card. But they did.
My parents were suffering in the heat, with no electricity, and the portable
generator I had bought them on-line and had shipped to them the day after
the storm was taking too long to get there. So, I offered to find, and pay
for, a hotel room...the closest one with availability was 200 miles away.
After they had been there a couple of days, the hotel manager called me and
told me he was only billing me for two nights, and that the American Red
Cross, with some funds from FEMA, was calling around to all the hotel chains
in Louisiana, Arkansas, Texas, Mississippi and Alabama, telling management
that they were picking up the bills for anyone who was seeking refuge from
the storm.
You can't tell the whole story in a press release, where brevity is
important, so I guess that person decided to read between the lines and see
what she wanted to see. And I guess if her email didn't bother me, that
would make me the kind of cold, opportunistic jackass she assumed I was.
November 14, 2005
I'm excited to announce this...I was the Laugh Factory's high bidder in
their eBay auction to benefit the American Red Cross' Hurricane Relief Fund.
I'll get a ten minute spot opening for Jon Lovitz at the L.A. Laugh Factory
on November 30th. There will also be some press, including a press
conference, plus, the club puts my name on the marquee that week, pictures
up at the club, my set will be broadcast live on the website, and be on the
site for a month. And they've promised that the talent bookers from the late
night shows will be in the audience. I'll thrilled for all of this....you
may know that I grew up in southern Mississippi, in Hattiesburg, and my
family all still live there, my parents, both my brothers and their
families...lots of family. Plus, I have family in Florida, who went through
a devastating hurricane as well. And, I used to live in New Orleans, and
have a great love for that city, especially for the food and the great music
that comes out of there. I have friends from New Orleans whose families lost
everything. So I'm excited to be helping out, because I've been so blessed
this year, while so many other people have had it tougher. Naturally, the
media coverage of these events fades long before the pain does.
I'll update on this soon, for now, you can read the Laugh Factory's press
release on my newly-redesigned press page. Or just click here. No,
here. Ok, here.
November 4, 2005
Today's guest blogger...President Bush!
It's been a tough week. I announced my new choice for Supreme Court guy,
Samuel Alito. Harriet Miers, by the way, now doing what everyone who has 15
minutes of fame does- she's a correspondant for the E! Entertainment
Channel.
Also, this week, the White House was visited by the Brital Head of State,
Prince Charles. Went well, except when I erroneously offered to get his
horse a feedbag. Awkward. Awkward moment.
On a positive note, we did capture a major Al Queda figure-smoke 'em out!-we
caught Walid Muhammad Farhan Juwar al-Zubaydi (whew! I need a nap!). He is
better known to the CIA as 'the Barber'. That's right...we caught Bin
Laden's hair stylist! How you like me now? Sure, you're laughing, but if
he's anything like Amercan hair stylists- HE KNOWS EVERYTHING! He's already
revealed that Zarqawi wears a piece!
And finally, a top White House official was indicted and resigned this week.
Dick Cheney's chief of staff (he he! I said STAFF!), Lewis "Scooter" Libby.
I'm gonna miss Scooter. The way he got his nickname, by the way, is that
Dick Cheney would often say "W., I'm just too busy running the country right
now, why don't you ask Libby to go skateboarding?"
God Bless.
November 1, 2005
I got punked by 'Punk'd'. All week they ran a promo showing a clip of Neve
Campbell, inferring that the bit my son Matt did with her would be in the
season premiere episode. Then they ran a different episode. I told EVERYONE
to watch it, certain that he would be on...and he wasn't. Now, I have no
clue. People are asking, 'when will he be on?' And since MTV doesn't promote
who is getting punked in the TV guide, or on-line, or on TiVo...there's just
no way of knowing. Just watch it every week, ok? Eventually, we'll all see
him.
I'll have a big announcement to make in the coming days, regarding my
stand-up comedy. Its exciting, and you'll be hearing about it in the media.
Locally, in L.A., and in Miami, and probably nationally. I have done
something that some will think is insane, but, when you see the fruits of
the seed I have sown, you'll think differently.
I've been making lots of changes to the site, little things here and there,
in an attempt to make the site as 'artisticly pleasing' as it is useful.
Look for some added pages soon. I will be putting up more press material,
some new clips of stand-up, and eventually, by the end of the year, a
merchandise page, as I hope to have a comedy CD to sell by then.
October 26, 2005
Today's Guest Blogger- President Bush, with an important annoucement.
Good Morning. Tough times. Harriet Miers withdraws, indictments against my
people being enimant(sp?)...when things get tough in Washington, you create
a distraction. So I put my head together, and come up with a brilliant
plan. What do presidents always do when they get in trouble? Invade
somebody.
This morning, at 080 hours, the United States began a full-scale military
operation to topple the regime of the island nation of Jamaica. For too
long, Jamaica has been defiant in their advocation of the use of WMD...weapons
of mass distraction. In fact, together with Panama, Denmark, and Tiajuana,
they form - The Axis of Endo.
We don't expect much initial resistance from the local military. In fact,
our generals on the ground are reporting that most of the Jamaican forces
are still sleeping. But we will be vigilant, because they have vowed to
'fight soon, very soon, mon'.
To repeat, this morning at 0008 hours, the U.S. began a military invasion
of Jamaica, codenamed: Operation Slow Burn.
God Bless Amerca(sp?)
October 19, 2005
Lots of good news...my son Matt's episode of MTV's Punk'd will premiere
Sunday, October 30th at 10pm on MTV. We will be celebrating my wife Marie's
birthday by watching Matt's triumphant professional acting debut. Imagine if
I had started at his age....why by now I could have been a really,
really.....washed up and bitter former child star. Look for Matt as the
second of the two 'lost' boys who sits down to be comforted by a certain
raven-haired actress who used to scream a lot.
I believe I finally have an air date for my episode of American Dad. If the
schedule holds and none of the episodes get bumped between now and then, it
should air on November 20th. Also that week, True Crime: Streets of New York
comes out...I did four characters in the game. And speaking of games, I also
performed in Battlefield 2: Modern Combat, which is out on October 26th. Get
it!
October 10, 2005
TODAY'S CELEBRITY GUEST BLOGGER...BILL CLINTON!
Man, I am getting a lot of press! I didn't get this much play when I was
President. It's great- I have all the perks of the White House, with none of
the constraints of decorum. If I get caught with two chics in the limo
now..the only person who's gonna be mad is maybe Hillary..maybe. I'm like a
rap star now..its all Crystal and hootchies! With all these books about me
and Hillary, its a media frenzy. I think if I had a car wreck tommorow, I
could blame it on 'the paparazzi', like that Lindsay Lohan. How old is she
now? She's like, 20, right? Hmmm.....nah, I like 'em thicker than that.
Speaking of skeletons, though, Louis Freeh, the FBI guy, says Hill and I
have a lot of skeletons in our closet. Bet you never would have guessed
that, huh? He's gonna need to do better than that if he wants to sell some
books. What's he hinting at there..Hillary wears comfortable shoes, listens
to Melissa Etheridge, and knows how to change her own oil? And then you have
the Dick Morris book; he says the only person who can beat Hillary in '08 is
Condi. I'm looking forward to that...two chics running for the White
House--a Presidential Catfight! WHOOO! You talk about voter turnout,
hell...I can sell tickets to THAT!
October 4, 2005
Hope I'm not jinxing this..I've never been a very superstitious person...I'm
chomping at the bit to tell my recent news. I set another brick in the wall.
I look at this acting career as a series of small and gradually bigger and
bigger steps up the ladder to success. But now I'm mixing my metaphors.
I got cast as a voice in Dr. Dolittle 3. No, not an Eddie Murphy vehicle.
Its one for Kayla Pratt, who is the voice of Penny Proud on Disney's The
Proud Family. And of course, she played Eddie Murphy's daughter in the first
two Dr. Dolittle movies, so this one picks up with her life as she has
inherited her dad's talent for talking to animals. I'm supposed to play the
part of the rooster-much of the movie being set on a farm. I'm thrilled,
as I always am, to be working. Its much harder than anyone 'back home'
(which includes everywhere I've got friends or family watching my progress)
thinks, this business. They know I've been in L.A. for three years now...why
aren't I the star of my own sitcom yet?
As I say, this is another brick in the wall. I will be working with new
people, a live-action director, and producers at Disney. I'll update soon.
Meanwhile, my two youngest kids are giving dad some competition. My daughter
Amanda, 11, is starring in a series of bumpers for the KIDS WB cartoon
shows. Bumpers are the little promos they show when the show is going to- or
coming back from - commercials. These should start airing soon. My son Matt,
who is only 5, recently filmed an episode of MTV's Punk'd. Watch for one
where a certain raven-haired actress gets punk'd by a bunch of little soccer
players. My son is the second little lost boy who sits down to be comforted
by her. He was amazing. I'm so proud of them. Those Fabulous Acting
Moseley's!
Sept. 23, 2005
Ok, so I'm a bit political today.
The Chinese have named a condom after Clinton. Of course over there, they
say "lubbers" (ouch!). I'm scratching my head though; is this an homage, or
a diss? This could be part of the vast right-wing conspiracy to tarnish
Clinton's shiny image. I'll bet Bush is involved. You know, I heard it was
Bush who made that Jet Blue airplane's landing gear fail the other day,
because he heard there were black people on board. Remember kids, anytime
anything goes wrong in your life, it can always be traced back to George W.
Bush. But back to Clinton Comdoms...they've put his name and likeness on a
birth control device. If you really want to control population in China, put
Hillary Clinton's mug on that box. You see that scowling visage staring back
at you, you'll say "Nah, I think I'll just hit the showers."
Sept. 8, 2005
Some thoughts about Katrina:
Where was Sean Penn in the days following this disaster? Why did it take him
almost a week to get down there? He saw what we all saw, where was he on
Tuesday, Wednesday...my god, Thursday? His negligence in this matter, what
with him being the unofficial Badwill ambassador of the United States,
borders on silly. And what was up with that leaky boat...he couldn't find a
better craft? No, and do you know why...because all the really good boats
have been shipped to the deserts of Iraq, that's why!
I can point fingers of blame, because my family were victimized by the
storm. They all live in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and I knew that no one but
me could help them, because George Bush doesn't care about white people. I
was right too, FEBL.....sorry, I meant FEMA...didn't get there until
Saturday. So by day 2, I had sent them a generator and on the third day, I
sent them a big box of food and other supplies. After a few days with no
electricity, my parents had enough of the sweltering heat, so I got on the
internet and found them a motel room a couple hours away where they could
get some air conditioning.
Beyond that, I had donated money to the American Red Cross, and went down to
the local office and volunteered my time. I answered phones for a couple of
hours. I went back yesterday to volunteer and will again today. I wish all
those people who think there is a racial divide in this country could watch
all the White and Hispanic and Asian people coming in and writing checks to
help- what the media tells us are mostly Black people. Race doesn't enter
into it at all. It's just people helping other people. Maybe next time its
us with a big earthquake here in California.
August 25, 2005
The new Saddam photo just released (click here to see it)--- doesn't this
look like an actor headshot? I mean...it REALLY does! The black pinstriped
suit with the casually opened-collar shirt...hair groomed, but yet a little
wild...background is flat, so as not to take away from...those eyes! They
really draw you in, don't they? There's something going on back there, isn't
there? And that pose....very L.A. actor. As if he is on his way to somewhere
fabulous when someone said....'Saddie...over here! Look this way! Vannessa
Minnillo from Entertainment Tonight!' The whole effect is a very...kinda...older
Antonio Banderas kind of vibe. This is a very good headshot. This guy could
work in Hollywood.
There is something afoot here, I'll wager. I hear rumblings that the case
against Hussein may not be that rock-solid. I think somebody's favorite
dictator is being groomed for his post-trial comeback. Sure, we get Saddam
on Conan O'Brian...let him be affable; let him tell funny stories - the most
hilarious bumbling attempts on his life. He'll laugh loudly, head kicked
back, clapping his hands together as he leans back in the chair...being a
very down-to-earth, approachable mass murderer. Then, everyone will want
him. Like the rabid dogs they are when you're hot, they'll pull him in a
million different directions. I'm not saying he could do film, but he could
be on TV, where you don't actually have to know how to act to be famous.
Sure, he could sign on to do a guest voice in Shrek 3, but were I his
handler, I'd keep him on the small screen...maybe a guest spot on the West
Wing--he could play himself! Eventually, he'll wind up with a reality
series. My money is on an Apprentice-type show, though that could get a
little messy.
It is a GOOD headshot, though. Better than mine, dammit.
August 21, 2005
Pom Poko is out on DVD...been out for a few weeks. In this Miyazaki-produced
film, I play two parts- that of a news anchor, and a field reporter. I did
the recording on this nearly a year ago, at the Walt Disney Character Voices
studio in Burbank. If you're a fan of anime, you'll love this film.
The episode of American Dad I recorded some months back should air sometime
in the next few weeks. When I know when, I'll post it here. I also have an
episode of My Life As a Teenage Robot coming, but its a few months away, I
believe.
Well, the kids are back at school, so I have more time for writing. I will
be blogging more, while working on some writing projects, including a sitcom
pilot I am working on. I also have a play I want to write. I still pledge
not to blog about politics or religion though, tempting as it is.
August 5, 2005
Wow! It's really been a long time since I blogged. I've had nasty computer
problems, which has been preventing me from accessing my website software,
but now that's fixed. So I'm back, and ready to share my thoughts with you.
Uhhhhhh............
Oh yeah! I've been busy with voice acting, I've done two more video games
based on Shrek, a Jet Fighter game, where I play a bad guy, Admiral Saar.
And I'm doing another True Crime 2 game this week. True Crime 2: Streets of
New York, will be out November 15th.
Well, I'm also still doing Destiny's Calling, except now I've had the
opportunity to take on another role in the production, so now I'm doing
three very distinctive characters in this play- a slightly psychotic
psychiatrist, a completely self-absorbed radio announcer, and a old Jewish
New Yorker writer. Its a NEAR tour de force! Its a blast, to be able to play
characters. I do enjoy it. I think character-driven sketch comedy would be a
great venue to showcase my abilities. The show has been extended thru Sept.
4, so come see it.
July 12, 2005
While waiting for the critics to publish their reviews for Destiny's
Calling, I've gotten impatient and decided to publish my own, culled from
bits and pieces of quotes I've read in the past and pulled out one of the
crevices of brain. Here they are. Enjoi!
"Destiny's Calling is a wizz-bang, effects-laden spectacle! A sheer
delight!"
"I was on the edge of my seat. From the opening scene, Destiny's Calling
grabs you by the throat and never lets you breathe! Its auto-erotic
asphyxiation on a stage!"
"Sam Langford has captured lightning in a bottle and set it loose on stage!
Three days later, I still have goosebumps!"
"Mark Moseley is a stand-out in a tour de force performance! Meryl Streep
and Charles Durning are at the top of thier game!"
"Stunningly haunting!"
"An amazing achievement"
"A hodgepodge of ribald humor and tempered dipholatisticy!"
"I'm still walking bowlegged!"
July 8, 2005
Have I been too busy to blog? Ehhhh...yeah! The play, Destiny's Calling,
officially opens tonite, and the atmosphere in Hollywood is crackling with
electricity! Ok, Mark...selling it just a bit, eh? They've replaced the lead
since I last blogged; Earl is now played by Gary Telles, who plays Earl
completely differently than his predecessor, Frank Simons. I loved Frank's
performance, but also love Gary's, for different reasons. (How's that for
PC?) Anyway, we perform Thursday, Friday, Saturday at 8, Sunday at 3, thru
August 14th. Stella Adler Theatre is in the center of the Universe, right at
Hollywood and Highland, so there are plenty of great places to eat nearby,
including the famous Pig and Whistle, which is right across the street. You
can make an evening of it- see the play, have dinner, and then walk around
seeing the sights and listening to the sounds of homeless people talking
loudly to -- no one!
June 24, 2005
And we're off! The play I'm performing this summer, Destiny's Calling, had
its first preview last night, and we were pleasantly surprised to find a 3/4
full house. The play was enthusiastically received by the audience. We have
a wonderful and fun cast, and everyone gets along well (so far!). Frank
Simons is our lead, and he is a wonderful clown, very funny...kind of a
cross between Art Carney (he played Art's son in a film) and Matt Frewer.
He's a great leader, and set the tone for the whole show. Michael Cline, who
plays Dr. Manson and I think steals the show, is a scream. His scene with
Frank in the pyschiatrist' office is a very well-written piece of comedy-
the dialogue is very Mamet-like.
We will be in previews for the next couple of weeks, and the price is only
$20. Anyone who wants to purchase tickets can follow the link above, and
remember to use my code A07 to receive $1 off. One note - an alternate cast
performs the Saturday matinee, so you won't see me at those performances.
And don't park in the lot behind the Stella Adler, whatever you do. They
charge whatever they feel like. One night it was $15 dollars. I just left
them my car and we called it even (rimshot! Ka-pee!) The shopping center at
Hollywood and Highland across the street will only cost $2 for the first
four hours, and you can buy a coffee for a $1.50 and get validation. I'll
see you at the theater!
June 20, 2005
Whooo...I lead a moderately exciting Hollywood life! Ok sure, I'm not doing
X with an emaciated Lindsay Lohan at 3am; I'm not guzzling Jesus Juice in
the hot-tub with Corey Feldman, but I did get directed by Apollo Creed the
other day. I got cast in another video game, and when I got to the recording
studio, the director turned out to be Carl Weathers. Yep, ole' Chubbs
himself. I had no idea that the game makers were now bringing in celebrities
to direct. Can't say much about the project, confidentiality agreement and
all, but its a war game, and I did 'various soldiers'. The dialogue, its so
challenging for an actor, because its just page after page of lines like
"Over there!", "Get down!" and "Enemy approaching!", which must all be
performed with a broad range of emotions ranging from trepidation...all the
way to fear. Carl Weathers was cool; nice man, good director. I can't say
much else about him; he was real laid back. (Disappointed? Thought you'd get
a juicier tale of massive Hollywood egos colliding? Ok, he was a HUGE
RECTUM, a real jackass...at one point we were in each other's faces,
screaming! The nerve of him, trying to give me a LINE READING! Yeah, dude
was all up in my grill and I had to lay him out flat. Apollo Creed, my white
butt! He went down like a mud hut in a tsunami. I refuse to EVER work with
that man again! I won't do it. There, happy now?)
None of that happened, obviously. Remember, I lead a moderately exciting
Hollywood life.
June 14, 2005
Michael Jackson's website is as tasteless as a week-old rice cake. Its bad
enough to have choir-boyed the young man, but to gloat about getting away
with it in such a fashion is beyond the pale. Pun intended. I will not link
to it; find it yourself. And regardless of guilt or innocence, to compare
the day of your acquittal for molesting a child with the day the Berlin Wall
fell, or Dr. King's birth...WOW! That is Ego. Tacky Ego. If I were to rank
it with historical events, honestly, it would fall somewhere between the day
Zsa Zsa Gabor slapped the cop...and when we found out Who Shot J.R.
The point that Michael was found innocent by a jury of mostly white people
will likely be lost during the high-fiving sessions by Michael's family, who
whined endlessly on cable news that this was all about pulling down a famous
black man. By the way, isn't the race card the most over-played card in the
deck now? It's like a Joker, man. You can throw it down for ANYTHING. No,
thanks for the racism, Jermaine (not Germaine!), but Michael had done a
pretty good job of destroying Himself even before our KLANdestine meeting of
the White Devils for the Destruction of Famous Black Men (WDDFBM for short--dammit!..we
need a better acronym!). Changing your facial bone structure more often than
my wife changes the oil in the minivan is not exactly a sign that you're in
the Hot Column of Us Magazine's Hot/Not list.
I could write a book about this whole thing, but I'll leave that to 7 or 8
of the jurors. I will put this thought out there. Its a question for any
loony acquaintance who insanely clings to the delusion that Nothing Is Wrong
With This Picture. Imagine a 46 year old gender-hazy mulatto stick figure
moved in next door to you. Imagine he spoke with the clarity of an abused
Asian housewife, wore makeup, including lipstick, and dressed in
pseudo-military outfits. Imagine he told you he slept with young boys who
weren't his own sons. Imagine he looked like a cross between Edward
Scissorhands and Joan Crawford. Imagine that he was not a sadly-fading Icon.
Let's say he worked at Subway. Now pretend, for just a moment, that some boy
accused this not- famous Sandwich Artist of molesting him. With all you know
about him, what would you think?
June 2, 2005
Father of the Pride is almost here! On DVD! It hits the shelves next
Tuesday, June 7th, and includes all the episodes produced for NBC by
Dreamworks. This would include the two episodes that never aired on American
TV. The show is currently airing in the UK, and I understand you Brits GET
the show. Good for you. I am in both of the episodes that never aired here.
Once the producers 'discovered' me, they were sticking me in as much as they
could. I still cry over the fact that they were actually writing me into the
episodes for the planned second season, which never happened. I could have
been THE 'go-to' guy for the show, as I had some big fans there. In fact,
one of the executive producers recommended me to a buddy of his at American
Dad, who used me in an upcoming episode. THAT'S how it works in this town,
boys and girls. So go grab the DVD when it comes out--besides the two
episodes you never saw--its supposed to have some great extra features.
May 29, 2005
Today's celebrity guest blogger: Regis Philbin!
I can't take this chic any more. It's so bad, I feel like I'm in a gulag!
They might as well call the show Regis and Kelli, Live From Gitmo. Hey,
Newsweek, you want a story about torture? I got one for ya!
Clearly, what I need is a guy co-host. You know, with a guy, if we have a
dispute, he takes a swing at me, I lay him out cold, then we have a beer,
and get on with the show. You can't do that with these broads. Not like in
the good old days. Remember when you could actually backhand a chic if she
got out of line? God, I miss those times! This gal is making me wanna bring
back Kathi Lee. I don't care- I'll listen to a million stories about how
CODY IS SHAVING NOW.....
And that Gelman isn't helping. Trying to put a happy face on the whole
thing. He's good, I'll give him that. But then, he ought to be good at it -
he's been FAKE MARRIED for years now!
Well, gotta sign off now. I gotta go try to slip something into her
coffee...
May 24, 2005
Finally saw Star Wars 6 (oops, I mean 3), after many busy days where stupid
work got in the way. Stupid career, impeding my enjoyment of Revenge of the
Sith. A couple of observations...Spoilers!(oh hell, if you haven't seen it
by now, you're a bigger loser than me.)...the fact that Anakin/Vader was
tricked by Darth Sidious into believing that he could save Padme', when in
fact he pretty much killed her, was a mind-blowing irony. The ONLY thing
keeping Anakin from jerking the wheel and whipping around directly onto the
Dark Side freeway was his deep love for Padme'. Ol' Siddy had to know this,
and he absolutely scammed Anakin. Not that the Dark Side doesn't have its
perks. I mean, you get those cool colored contact lens, don't you? And you
get a deeper, more 'made-for-radio' voice. But my favorite part was when
Marwan cut Jack's hand so he would have to let him fall - oh wait, that was
the finale' of 24. My bad.
Plot hole? My actor friend Scott Sandler points out that Obi-Wan and Yoda
are both present for the birth of Luke and Leia. So why, in an earlier
Episode, does ghostly Obi-Wan say to ghostly Yoda..."that boy is our only
hope". To which Yoda replies..."No, there is another". Referring of course
to Leia. They both know about Leia, because they saw her being born. So why
would Yoda need to remind Obi-Wan that she existed?
May 16, 2005
Spent the weekend in Spokane, Washington. Flew up there to do a charity
comedy show for the Mark Rypien Foundation (he the Superbowl MVP in 91' when
he led the Redskins to victory). Every year the Calgary Flames alumni come
in and play a charity hockey game, then they have a dinner. I performed for
half an hour- Mark honored me with an autographed football. Hadn't flown in
a while. I noticed something new on the airline evacuation card. There are
no words at all on that thing - just cartoons of people calmly exiting the
cracked fuselage - I guess this is so the kids working the cash register at
McDonalds can understand it too. But what I hadn't noticed before was the
little 'No Smoking' symbol next the drawing of people evacuating the plane.
The airlines don't want anybody smoking in the event of a crash. Are they
afraid some of the other passengers will be offended? "Uchh! its bad enough
we plummeted into the ocean, now this guy over here is SMOKING? If the
impact didn't kill me, I guess second-hand smoke will!" Good lord, we really
need to loosen up a little with this cigarette thing. I mean, you've just
survived a damn plane crash- if there was EVER an occasion to light one
up......!
May 10, 2005
Good day today. I worked for Nickelodeon for the first time. THE TV at my
house...the big 40 inch HD in the family room- the TV I bought for MEEEE?---its
always on Nick - or Disney Channel. I wrest control away around 9 o'clock at
night, coincidently about the time they crash into the "wall of sleep" (see
my stand-up act). The kids watch a lot of Nickelodeon, so I watch a lot of
it too, and I'm a geek now for Jimmy Neutron, Fairly Odd Parents--SpongeBob
of course (duh). But I'm getting sidelined. I worked on an episode of My
Life As A Teenage Robot today. Had a great time. For those who are
fascinated by the workings of the animation business, you will be interested
to know that Nick records their actors together, in an ensemble, for these
shows whenever possible. Unlike Dreamworks, or Disney, who, in my
experience, don't usually record their actors together. When I did the Mulan
TV series pilot, I met James Hong who was recording before me, and when I
did Father of the Pride, I often would encounter the actors recording before
or after me. Met Cheryl Hines and Wendie Malick at one session.
So I worked with the whole cast of the show - a very talented group of
actors. It was fun - I mostly just hung back and watched (like being the new
kid at school after it's been in session for a while), as they all crack
each other up between takes. The episode is called Girl Of Steal; I'll be
playing the Musique Store Employee and the Police Sergeant. Of course, its
animation, which means you'll see it 7 months from now. Can't wait.
May 4, 2005
Been feeling blah, not blog. We lost a member of my father's family this
week. I had not seen him in years; I remember him mostly from when I was a
kid. He was a really great uncle, who was a Navy Lieutenant Commander. Had
his own ship and all! Aircraft carrier, I think. Cool. But what I remember
about Uncle Jimmy was that he had that same wonderful sense of humor that
all the Moseley men have been blessed with (though I think I'm the only one
who ever figured they could make money off of it, we always had some great
laughs). My Grandfather had it, my Dad has it, my sons all have it. He was
funny and bigger-than-life, the way I saw him as a kid, which is how I will
always remember him. I always thought how cool a commander he must have
been; on the bridge, in charge- to be sure, taking care of business, but at
the same time...doing it with that wink and smile, that charm he had. I will
miss him, but he will always be a part of me- till I see him again.
April 28, 2005
Today's celebrity guest blogger- Arnold Schwarzenegger!
In the polls what are out today my approval rating is very low- 47 percent.
This is not good. This is like, if I was in a movie now, I would be in Gigli.
Lemme tell you something, I am so disliked right now, the other day Arianna
Huffington spit tobacco juice in my face. (She chews Redman, by the way) The
teachers are mad at me, the illegals are mad at me, the unions, the state
workers...I haven't seen this much bad press since Batman and Robin. Up with
this crap I should not be putting! I am a movie star! You are supposed to do
what I says when I says it. Lemme tell you something, I am feeling right now
like I am the girlie man. So to get myself pumped back up, this morning when
I was shaving, I look in the mirror and I says to myself "You are the
Terminator. YOU are Conan. You are Mr. Universe." Of course, these days I
have to shave with my shirt on.
April 21, 2005
Did stand-up last night at a Hookah Bar. Different. Hookahs are traditional
Eastern water pipes that you smoke flavored tobaccos out of. Well, you can
smoke other things out of them, but not in public. This was a hot college
crowd spot in Riverside, an L.A. suburb. The kids come in there, smoke the
hookahs and drink Arabian coffee. I thought Cuban coffee was strong; this
stuff--if you let it sit for a few minutes, hair starts growing on the cup.
I didn't try the hookah (WUSS!), they say it gets you a little high (like a
cigar high, I imagine), but I had a great time, performed with several other
local comics, including one of my favorites, the always delightful Rosie
Tran!
The play I will be appearing in this summer is "Destiny's Calling" by Sam
Langford, who has seen quite a few of his plays produced. I'm playing two
roles, that of the Radio Announcer (who'd have guessed?), and another minor
character. It will be staged at the Stella Adler Theatre in Hollywood;
previews will be sometime in June; the play will officially open in July.
This is my first professional theatre production (and the first one I've
auditioned for, by the way) since I moved to L.A. three years ago.
April 15, 2005
Much to blah blah blah about this week. I just learned that Father of the
Pride will be out June 7th. You can preorder it now. I'm excited, because I
have never seen some of the episodes I performed in, since they never aired
in the U.S. (all the episodes are being shown the the U.K. now). In one I
played Jimmy Carter. I also did some voice-matching for Kelsey Grammer, John
O'hurley, Gary Marshall, plus some other minor characters. By the way, you
can see some clips of my FOTP work by going to my bio page, scrolling to the
bottom and clicking on Mark's Animated Demo Or just click that. Either one.
The story on Father of the Pride? There has been much debate about what
happened with this show. It crumbled under its own cost. The show cost more
than 1.5 million an episode, which meant it had to be a HUGE hit. It was
posting good ratings; a less-costly show would have survived with those
ratings, but because FOTP was SO expensive, it didn't make it. Very sad for
me, because the writers were already scripting me into every episode they
were working on for the second season.
April 14, 2005
I'm excited to announce that I have been cast in a professional theatre
production here in L.A. (as in Equity!) This is a funny new play by a writer
who has had many successful plays staged. And it's being staged at the
prestigious Stella Adler Theatre in Hollywood. I will be playing two roles
in this production; we begin rehearsals next month and the production will
run over the summer. I''ll have some more exciting details next week.
For you video game fans, I did another game this week! I voiced three
characters in the True Crime 2 sequel, which will be out for Playstation by
year's end. The characters are small parts-- you know, the starring roles to
these games are now being sucked up by A-list actors. Damn
celebrities...they're taking all the guest-starring roles on TV, half the
animation work, and now video games! I can't wait till I hit the
marquee...so I can suck up all the work!
April 11, 2005
In the early stages of fame, the 1st trimester of fame, before the pregnancy
of your id begins to show, fans are but a joy. Later, when one or two of
them become convinced that you are the Nicole to their O.J.--- NOT as much
fun! But for now, what a sweet little langappe of show business. Yes, I have
fans now; I have begun to receive fan mail. Not just email, mind you, actual
old-fashioned letters that someone wrote out on paper and licked a stamp and
walked out to the mailbox- to say that they appreciated my work. Wow. As I
said to my agent, "Its like a full-body massage for the ego". (The ego of
the entertainer, by the way, is a ravenous, snarling, rabies-infested tiger
that should be mostly kept in a cage and only let out at specific times.
Unfortunately, many entertainers don't follow this advice, and eventually
their egos "Roy Horn" their careers.)
Now, its not as if I can't get thru a plate of Paella without having to stop
and scribble my signature; these are not the screaming hordes of fans that
chase you thru the mall parking garage. We're not there yet (in fact, I
can't really even justify referring to myself as 'We' at this point, so that
should be...I'm not there yet). But it is nice...and it is charming and
sweet, and not unsettling in the least (yet). So, you guys-you know who you
are-thank you. You flatter me; you honor me.
April 6, 2005
Today's Special Guest Blogger: President Bush!
We're doin' everything we can to try to lower the price of gas - its Hard
Work! I have lots of idears to solve the promblem. Por Ejemplo, oops, I
mean, for example...Oil is 58 dollars a barrel. There's 42 gallons of oil
per barrel. That means gas could cost 1.39 if we could learn our cars to run
on Crude. Another solution I come up with, answers two issues. Gas, and
illegal immigration. See, gasoline is 60 cents cheaper a gallon, down Mexico
way. So we tell the illegals, "Fine, you can sneak into the United States of
A-mer-ca, if you strap a drum of Premium Unleaded to your back when you come
across".
And the third idear what I come up with- these fellers in Congress, they
don't seem to do anything but TALK about the problem...all day and night
long. They're just a bunch of hot air. So if we could come up with a
wind-powered car? You could hook your vehicle up to - say - Teddy Kennedy's
fat cakehole- ask him about WMD; he'll blow you clear to Orlando!
Thank you, and God Bless A-mer-ca.
April 1, 2005
Have you seen this new picture of the Governor of Cuh-LEE-forn-yah, on the
beach, taken by the British tabloid? At last, I can finally tell people...'I
look better than Arnold Schwarzenegger with my shirt off!' Man, he really
HAS been working hard for the people of this state. Arnold is really mad
too; he threatened the newspaper who took it. He told them he was going to
go down there and crush them with his two massive - lawyers. Well, he sure
as hell ain't gonna do it with those arms. This is bad for Arnold. And
EVERYONE has seen this – the secret is out. Yeah, this past weekend up in
Hyannisport, Teddy Kennedy challenged Arnold to a pose-down. Arnold is
denying that this is him. He claims someone has ‘Photoshopped’ a picture of
his head onto the torso of former Attorney General Janet Reno.
March 29, 2005
I spent some time this weekend at Chuck E. Cheese, or Hell O. Nearth, as I
like to call it. It was my son's 5th birthday party, and he wanted it there.
I know I must have loved that place as a little kid, but as a big kid...it
sucks. Some things I do with my kids work for ME on some level (Hi, I'm
Modern Self-Centered Dad, seduced by a society that insists I indulge MYSELF
at every moment). Some things ...Disneyland, SpongeBob, Air Soft guns; they
are multi-dimensional fun. Not Chuck E Cheese. The games suck, the pizza
tastes like drop ceiling tiles---and every game is only one token. That's
not helping. That just makes it easier for the kid to stay there LOOOONGER.
Which I think is why they serve beer. Takes some of the sting away.
And when are they going to update those animatrons? These are the same DAMN
puppets from when they opened in 1978! The ten dollar crawling, grunting pig
that walks around in front of the K B Toys at the mall, moves with more
grace than Chuckie and the band. Let's change 'em out, huh? Better yet, rip
those things out of the stage, wall up that back area into a more 'private'
party room, and bring in a REAL stage show--something for the dads! Then we
wouldn't mind hanging out in the old Pizza Tyme Theatre for a few hours.
"Here, son, here's fifty bucks worth of tokens, have a good time. Dad will
be in the back room. No, no...no one is going to steal you! Not with the
sophisticated Post-9/11 security system they have here, where both of our
hand stamps have to match-you'll be fine. Daddy will just be in the back
room watching Chuckie's sister...Chest E. Cheese!"
March 23, 2005
A lot to be upset about in the world right now. Robert Blake walked, gas is
nearly 3 dollars a gallon, and most importantly-- they screwed up the vote
on American Idol! This gas thing--where will it end? Gas is already so
expensive in California that Michael Jackson is now using it as an excuse
not to come to court. The President is working hard to get a handle on it.
So far, the White House has come up with a catchy slogan to get people not
to focus on gas prices: "It could be worse; you could be an Alaskan
Caribou!"
The President says "I think you have to find the positive spin in this.
People are going to spend more and more time at work, increasing
productivity. Eventually, gas will be so expensive that people won't even be
able to afford to leave work. They'll just take naps in their car between
shifts. They'll never go home, meaning they won't need a home. And with no
huge mortgage to pay, it will free up thousands of dollars a month to buy
more gas!" See how that works. He came up with that on his own, too.
We've got to do something. Its at the point now where people in L.A. don't
even mind a mudslide....if it carries them in the direction of work.
March 18, 2005
Pay close attention...you'll be seeing more of my Mitsubishi spot; you may
double-take, because it will be different from the one you might have seen.
They are taking my footage, and editing it into two new spots. Nice. ($).
A thought about the Robert Blake verdict, which has been bothering me. I
just have a problem with his alibi. He went back into the restaurant to get
his gun. Its so ridiculous that the jury obviously thought..."Its such a bad
lie - it must be the truth!" I mean, Baretta, could you not come up with a
better story? How about "I left my WALLET in the restaurant...I left my CAR
KEYS in the restaurant?" No..."I left my GUN....!" It would be like Michael
Jackson claiming that he couldn't have touched the kid at that moment since
he went back into Chuck E. Cheese because he left his copy of N.A.M.B.L.A.
Magazine. If you're Michael, you've got to be thinking..."this is good for
me. This guy popped his wife and got away with it! What did I do? Did I
murder anybody? Did I kill my wife? No, I put some Chardonnay in a Sprite
can and touched Corey Feldman on the knee...big flippin' deal! Just give me
one of those tracking ankle bracelets like Martha Stewart, and I'll be on my
way....hey, Judge, do you guys have any Lo-Jack armbands?"
March 16, 2005
Wow, today IS sort of about religion! Michael Jackson, as all condemned men
do, has re-discovered spirituality. Something about the prospect of going to
'the bad place with the big men' that has him reaching out to The Big Guy.
Michael has been praying every morning with Jesse Jackson. It's now part of
his daily routine. Every morning Michael wakes up, steps over the sleeping
bags on the floor, and makes his way into the bathroom to do what everyone
does first thing...he puts on his nose. Once his nasal cap has been screwed
into place, he then works with his makeup and hair until he looks like a
cross between Edward Scissorhands and Joan Crawford. Then he talks to
Reverend Jackson for about 15 minutes; for which the Reverend only charges
him 50 grand. Jesse reads from the Bible...usually the parts where Jesus
talks about "I say unto thee, thine troubles shall be as dust, if thou wilt
writeth unto Reverend Jackson a check"(Jesus' words are in red, because they
come from the King James version). They pray together, then Michael puts on
some medals he won in the Serbian Conflict, fakes a back injury, and its off
to court!
Quick professional note......good news for fans of Kingdom Hearts, there
will be a '2'..! (Of course, if you're reading this in Japan, you're
thinking "Duh! We already have it!") This would be the English-language
version. I will appear as Mushu in the game. (Duh again!) Should be out by
year's end.
March 10, 2005
Former President Clinton back in the hospital today, to have some scar
tissue removed from his heart. A common side-effect from the open-heart
surgery he had a few months ago, where doctors had to crank open his chest
and remove a McNugget that was wedged in one of his valves. But this is
routine, a quick in and out, and he's back swinging his club in a few days
(he plays a lot of golf). The doctors gave him the bad news; he has to stay
in bed for a few days, and...he'll be stiff for a while. At which point, Big
Bill asked them what the bad news was. They also need to drain away some
fluid. (It would be soooo easy to make a joke here, but I'm not doing it.
It's hack...I'm just not going there) I will say that when the physician
told him he had scar tissue, Clinton said "Doc, you'd have scars on your
heart too, if you were married to Hillary".
March 8, 2005
Today's celebrity guest blogger...Michael Jackson!
This is gettin' ridiculous!…Did you know it takes these law guys three whole
days just to talk to one kid? I mean, cheese and crackers, its driving me
nuts! By the end of the day, I am SOOO ready for a couple of cans of Diet
Coke with a little shot of "Moses Mash" in 'em! I have to sit there all day
with nothing to do. No Video Now, no Game Boy (and I told the judge I would
promise to keep the headphones plugged into it--he just glared at me like a
scary guy!). The only thing they let me have is a pen and a note pad. So, at
first I was doodling a lot. I get really bored and start drawing people in
their underwear...then I realize, that's what got me here in the first
place. So I started writing lyrics for new songs. Because just 'cause I'm in
the bad place with the big men, doesn't mean I can't pull a Martha Stewart
and 'drop my new joint'...in the joint. (Oh wow, I just talked Black there
for a second; that was kinda cool!) Sure, I'm gonna record an album while
I'm in prison. The first song I wrote is called "Billy Bob Is Not My Lover".
March 4, 2005
The newest Mitsubishi spot is the one I shot back in December. In the spot,
a Dad and his teenage son are looking at a car, the son drops his mp3
player, then tries to get in the car. I am the 'red man', and I lock the car
doors before he can get in, because I got the Dad's back. You want to keep
those kids from getting behind the wheel--a-hyuck! (slap knee here).
I was beginning to think the spot would never air. There was some trouble on
the set (not from me, I was the consummate professional, and only locked
myself in my trailer when they wouldn't bring me more concubines), and I got
the distinct feeling they might not ever use the spot. But, they did, and
its airing now. And yes, I kept that SMOKIN' red Dickies jumpsuit---that is
what the ladies like.
March 1, 2005
The Disney masterpiece Bambi is released today on DVD. I performed a couple
of parts on the DVD extra feature about Walt's storyboard meetings. The
folks at the studio came up with a cool idea for a 'commentary' piece. They
dug up these transcripts of the original meetings Walt had with the
directors, lead animators, and other major players on the film. On paper,
word-for-word, all the dialogue that went on as they all worked through the
creative process. So, the Disney people brought in a bunch of voice actors
to play the parts of all these people. They pulled out a bunch of old ribbon
microphones from the 40's, and we used those to record the dialogue. I was
in the company of really great voice actors like Dee Baker (one of the leads
in American Dad), Wayne Alwine, who is Disney's voice of Mickey Mouse, Roger
Bumpass (Squidward on Spongebob Squarepants), and others, including the
amazing Corey Burton (voice of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland), who
does a dead-on impression of Walt Disney. It was fun, and a great honor to
do. Patrick Stewart hosts the feature; among the voices I provide, the one
you will hear the most is Larry Morey, who wrote most of the songs in the
film, and is credited with the story adaptation from the book.
February 20, 2005
Today I was at Mulberry Street Pizza in Encino, the best pizza in L.A.,
cause they make it with the water from New York (that's the key ingredient).
As I left with my family, we saw that Jay Leno was sitting at the front
table. Now this place is a real unassuming, near-dive kind of joint, so it
was so cool that he would eat there, and validates what I just said about
the whole 'best pizza in L.A. thing'. We walked outside, where his very
unusual-looking antique car was parked. This thing looked like the world's
first sports car, circa nineteen 0-something. Pre-model T. Very cool. I
walked back in and asked him if he would mind if the kids said hi. He hadn't
got his food yet, so I thought he might take a second. He took a few
minutes. Bantered with the kids, walked outside and we talked about the car
for a moment...he was very nice. I wasn't surprised. I've always heard he's
very down-to-earth and friendly.
Now, I must say, the entire time, I'm running a scenario in my head, where
I'm pitching myself to him. After all, I haven't been on the Tonight Show
yet. I saw myself telling Jay about me, that I was a comedian and an actor,
the whole unique 'white guy as Eddie Murphy' angle. I would tell him about
all the films and TV shows I had done, I would give him my business card,
and ask him about getting booked on the show, who to call, could I mention
that he met me?....really just bothering the hell out of him and coming off
as a nutty, desperate wanna-be actor. I played this all the way through in
my mind to the point after we drove away and he went back into the
restaurant, dropping my business card into the 'free lunch' fishbowl, and
telling himself "That guy will NEVER be on the Tonight Show for as long as
I'm hosting it--I VOW THIS DAY".
So, yeah, the kids enjoyed meeting him.
February 17, 2005
Today's Celebrity Guest Blogger: Michael Jackson!
Home sick. Well, I was hospitalized for two days, but now I'm home. I have
the sniffles. No one seems to quite believe me. I mean, just because I was
fine one day, the next day being rushed to the emergency room, why would
they think I'm faking it? I'm just like anybody else when they get the
sniffles...in ICU for two days, then home for a week, with a team of
personal physicians at my side. Don't people do that...call your work and
say "Mr. Bossman, I can't come to work for a week...I've got an owie?"
Looking at my schedule, Monday I can't do court. I have a nail appointment,
and you DON'T cancel with Ramon, because he's the best. The best. Tuesday's
not looking good either--I'm supposed to have lunch with Janet. You don't
want to miss that opportunity- you never know when she's gonna whip one
out...a hee hee! Maybe I could do some court on Wednesday.
Well, gotta go; Corey's coming over later . I've convinced him that its
perfectly appropriate for one grown man to rub Mentholatum on another man's
chest.
February 14, 2005
It's Valentines Day. Women have really built this thing up into something,
haven't they? You have to make all these plans, and reservations, and be
sneaking around, trying to set things up--its a whole big production. The
worst mistake a man can make is going too far overboard one year, because
then you can never top it, and you'll break yourself trying to come close.
If you took your girlfriend to Vail last Valentine's Day, don't think a
Vermont Teddy Bear is gonna cut it. "But look, honey, its the skiing bear."
Nope. Grab a blankie and hit that sofa.
My wife and I will be exchanging gifts, but its a little different when
you've been married for more than a few years. There are phases. In the
beginning of a relationship, you don't have a clue what the other person
likes. So you get them something traditional. They can't argue with roses
or candy. Then, you get to know them, and by the next Valentine's Day,
you're getting creative with the gifts. The day spa certificate, the Bath
and Body gift basket. That works for a while, until you run out of those
things, and start getting desperate...and going too far into left field. The
fishnet hose/garter set, the chicken wing deep fryer. After a few Valentine
misfires....she starts telling you what to get her.
Now, we're actually on to the next phase. The one where you go out and buy
yourself what you want, wrap it, and then hand it to your spouse to hand
back to you. "Here, this is for me." There's still a surprise involved. I
get to see her open the gift she got from me to her; I have no idea what it
is. "OH WOW...diamond earrings! I really shouldn't have...
...no, really...I shouldn't have."
February 9, 2005
Just got cast in another video game, True Crime 2, the exciting sequel to
True Crime, Streets of L.A. I will be playing a character named "Coach". The
game will be out later this year. Video games are a lot of fun to do, its
like animation, they record the voices early on, and then render (animate)
based on your performance. What sucks is when you do a project, and then it
gets shelved, sold, or re-cast. This happened to me on Red Dead Revolver. I
was the original voice of the final boss, King (and a couple of other
characters). Then the game got 'sold' to Rock Star, and they re-cast all the
voices. That's the business.
Thanks again to film critic Daniel W. Kelly at DVDTalk.com, who was
particularly gracious with his praise for my performance in Mulan 2. He
said: Mushu is back, but Eddie Murphy is not. However, voice actor Mark
Moseley deserves an award for his vocal impression. He was right on.
Thanks David. If you could hold the check for a few days, that would be
great. Till Friday. Thanks, buddy.
February 7, 2005
Thanks to everyone who bought Mulan 2; most of you probably found this site
as a result of your curiosity about me. Come to gawk at the white guy who
can sound like Eddie Murphy, eh? Get a good look...HMM? Like I'm some kind
of side-show geek, is that it? I AM NOT AN ANIMAL...I AM A HUMAN BEING!!
But thanks. I read a news report which said that between Shall We Dance?,
Mr. 3000, and Mulan 2, Disney did $200 million in sales just on Tuesday of
last week. My 'people' are guessing that close to half of that was Mulan 2.
Yes, I have 'people'. It's not a lot of people...just a couple. You don't
want too many people, otherwise you won't have any money left. Just enough
to feel like your behind is covered in a thin coating of lip gloss. So, you
may be wondering...Mark, do you get any of that $100,000,000? Yes, a small
percentage. Imagine the tiniest number you can think of, and then divide it
by 47. When all is said and done(I really hate that clique, but I'm in a
hurry here; late for my 10am butt-kissing), I hope to have earned enough
money for a venti mochafrappechialattechino. That's a VENTI. My mom is
proud.
By the way, for those of you who went to MarkMoseley.com....not me. Not my
kids. But they are cute.
February 3rd, 2005
So....we had a few glitches. The site is now completely up and running. I
really like the look. Its supposed to have a kind of Disneyesque feel to it,
circa 1957. I've always been a huge fan of that retro lounge look, and of
course, a lifelong admirer of Walt.
The movie is out, and the reviews are starting to appear. You can read some
of them on my press page. For me, its surreal to be reading about myself in
this light. Its intoxicating, to get that first small sip of fame. Papa
likes it...a lot. I want more. I want to be staggering and incoherent with
fame. I want to be slamming back shots of Glitterati. I want to be
dry-heaving celebrity...eehh..maybe I took the metaphor too far. But it is
fun, being picked up by a limo Disney sent to the house and driven to the
premiere at the studio, where photographers took pictures of me. I can't
help but wonder what doors (besides those of a stretch Lincoln) this will
open. As Steve Martin so wonderfully said it in The Jerk..."Things are going
to start happening to me now". Of course, right after that, he was getting
shot at.
Febraury 1st, 2005
Its here! I'm excited, at long last, to have a website. I poured so much of
my time and energy into getting this beauty finished by the Mulan 2 release
day, that.......my wife has left me. Come on home, baby. Your good-lovin'
Big Daddy misses you. And so do I.
I will be updating this blog at least 2-3 times a week, hopefully often with
exciting news about how my career is progressing! If not, you may have to
settle for a list of items in my medicine cabinet. My FUN AUDIO page will be
updated with a new comedy bit once a week (or so) ('or so?'...what the hell
does that mean? once a month?). If you are a radio DJ stealing my material,
shame on you! (Remember, you can play it in the 6 o'clock hour, and then
recycle it in the 8, since the audience has turned over). Pictures and Video
will be updated just as soon as is humanly possible. That's not exactly
correct... since I have a small gibbon as my webmaster, that should read
"just as soon as is monkeyly possible.".
That's all for now. Remember, buy Mulan 2 on video and DVD. Yes, one of
each, please. Thanks.
